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THE NERD |
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The nerd is socially awkward and physically imperfect. The nerd makes the rest of us feel better because we are not him. We look better. We dress better. We are better. In short, the nerd is based on you.
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THE SCIENTIST |
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The scientist is the nerd who has grown up. He is still ugly, but now he makes a lot of money so some shallow girl will marry him…probably your sister.
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SOCKS |
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Socks usually sit around looking all innocent, but it’s just a trick they use. You always gotta keep your eyes open when you’re around socks. |
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GUY AND RODD |
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guy and rodd is a logo. This logo is carefree and always up for a good time. It can usually be found hanging out in the corner of panels.
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ANIMALS |
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Animals are like people except that they have different DNA, which makes them completely different. Animals are an innocent prism through which we can glimpse our wacky world. Also they poop where they shouldn’t. The other thing animals do is to live with cartoonists. Not us, but every other cartoonist in the world. Seriously. Look through these bios sometime. We’ve never seen so many people who are so proud of their stupid hamsters.
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THE JOCK |
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The jock is sexy and confident. You can call him Guy.
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PEOPLE WHO ARE STUCK ON A DESERTED ISLAND |
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These people are pretty much screwed. It seems like their lives couldn’t be any bleaker, but then whatever is happening in that day’s panel just goes and makes it worse. They are closely related to “the people in a raft.” The New Yorker wants nothing to do with either group.
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SPORK |
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Not quite spoon, not quite fork…definitely not a knife. Damn this world and its hurtful labels.
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PARENTS |
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Parents always pretend to be supportive of their kids, but really it is a competition.
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KIDS |
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Kids are awful. Except for Rodd’s.
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